Fifty Shades of……Vanilla
A Fifty Shades of Grey movie review
By Frankie Brazelton
4 out of 10 Muddy Crowns
Fans of E.L. James’ wildly successful Fifty Shades of Grey
novel have been anticipating a film adaption since the phenomenon began. Right
from the start women have fantasized about their dream cast and the
plausibility of getting to see their favorite erotica titillate them through
the magic of the silver screen. After viewing the film myself last night, I
think I can safely say that there are going to be hoards of disappointed women
flocking to their social media outlets to bash this film and exclaim their
utter disdain.
Personally, I found the movie so boring that it evoked
something worse than hatred: complete apathy; no emotion what-so-ever. It gave
me neither excitement nor displeasure. It failed to arouse me, or repulse me.
For a story supposedly based on a budding BDSM relationship, it was quite
vanilla. {Queue the uproar of rabid fans}
The lack of chemistry between Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson)
and Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) was palpable to anyone who didn’t fall asleep
watching the movie. Honestly, I am a fan of the books because…well the sex is
great, but it’s also highly detailed by E.L. James. Though the novels are
fantastically entertaining and arousing, as evidenced by their massive
popularity, we all know it’s not for the writing. Just as men across the globe
read Playboy for the “articles”, women read Fifty for the “mommy porn”. Taking
an erotica that wholly owes its success to the explicit BDSM sex, and
attempting to transform it into an R rated movie (seriously not even NC17!),
well…all you have left is the story…a poorly written love story and a poorly
written script that yield, you guessed it: vanilla. It’s not particularly off putting,
but not especially exciting or appetizing either.
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